


Her Wolf

by Mediocre_At_Best819



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eventual Romance, F/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Multiple, Werewolf Mates, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:13:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22337602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mediocre_At_Best819/pseuds/Mediocre_At_Best819
Summary: Lily Evans was not what you might call a sentimental person. She did not get weepy after hearing a sad song, she did not hang on to useless things for the sole purpose of looking back on fond memories and she was certainly not the type who would ever find herself crying alone in an empty train carriage simply because, by some cruel twist of fate, it happened to be the exact same one in which James-Bloody-Potter had so unceremoniously dumped her three years prior.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I’ve never been what you might call a sentimental person. I’m not one to get weepy after hearing a sad song, I don’t hang on to useless things just for the sake of looking back on fond memories and I am certainly not the type who would ever find themselves crying alone in an empty train carriage simply because, by some cruel twist of fate, it happened to be the exact same one in which James-Bloody-Potter had so unceremoniously dumped me three years prior.

No. That would be pathetic. And yet, here I am, howling like baby, fat tears falling from thick lashes. Bloody unbelievable.

“Pull yourself together, Evans.” I said quietly to myself. “You can’t show up to your first day on the job crying like a bloody banshee. That won’t do at all.” I took three, deep, steadying breaths and… felt absolutely no better. I sighed. “Best to just get it all out then.” 

I wasn’t sure what had made me answer the newspaper advert announcing Hogwarts’ need for a new arithmancy professor, but there I was. On the bloody Hogwarts express, one week before the start of term, heading toward the castle that I had once called home and the world that I had been so determined to leave behind.

I liked to tell myself that James Potter was not the reason I had left the wizarding world. But if I’m being honest, that’s a bold-faced lie and I really don’t know who I thought I was kidding. Even my parents, even Petunia, dense as she is, could tell he was the reason I didn’t want anything to do with magic. I had had a promising future ahead of me, had I chosen to stay, but the thought of running in to James-Fucking-Potter or any of his fucking friends was just too much so, after graduation, I went to work for my parents at their Muggle restaurant. I hadn’t exactly been happy there, but I hadn’t exactly been unhappy either.

It took my mum almost three years to convince me to even get the Prophet again and it had been a complete coincidence that the advert announcing openings on the teaching staff at Hogwarts had begun running that very same day. Against my better judgement and my mum’s prodding, I had applied and had been shocked when my application was accepted. I had rather hoped they would turn me down.

I shook the thoughts from my mind as the train began to slow for Hogsmeade Station. There was no time to dwell on all of that now. I had committed and there was nothing for it now but to do the best job that I could. I jumped down to the platform as soon as the doors opened.

“Miss Evans, it is so good of you to come back to us.” I heard an all too familiar Scottish voice call “Professor McGonagall,” I smiled warmly as I caught sight of my former head of house, “it’s nice to see you again.”

“Please dear, call me Minerva, we are colleagues now after all.” I could see the old witch sizing me up then, taking in my red eyes and dull hair with a look she hadn’t meant for me to see. The old bat probably thought I hadn’t been taking care of myself or something. I mean, she wasn’t wrong but how dare she think that.

“Now,” she continued, “Normally, Albus would have met you, however there was another new staff member who arrived just before yourself.” I nodded distractedly as she ushered me into the thestral drawn carriage. “But I can tell you, he was quite pleased when your resume arrived.”

“I was surprised when I received the acceptance owl to be honest,” I said, pulled out of my reverie, “I thought I would be considered too young.”

“Yes, it is, perhaps, a tad unorthodox, but so is Albus and it’s not as if arithmancy requires any on the job experience. You were very good with the subject while in school.”

*

It was several hours before I found myself alone again, with a rather large plate of the dinner I had not arrived in time for. Professor- no, Minerva, that was going to take some getting used to, had shown me the few things that I wouldn’t have known about from my time as a student. The Professor’s break room, the kitchens (I politely refrained from informing her that the location of this particular out of bounds area was Hogwarts worst kept secret), my classroom which was to be held in a different room from where it had three years previously, and last; where I would be sleeping. I nibbled my food and looked around.

A cozy sitting room with a table and chairs sat near the large fireplace against one wall. Opposite me was a nice sitting area including a couch and overstuffed chair, several bookcases and the door that led to my office and classroom. Just behind me was the open door to my bedroom which contained another smaller fireplace, a wardrobe, more bookshelves and a couple of nightstands which flanked the most comfortable bed in existence.

I dreaded unpacking my things. Even with magic, it was not a chore I relished. With a loud sigh and another nibble of my food, I decided to take a bath instead.

On each floor, Minerva had informed me, there existed a secret bathroom reserved for staff only. The one on the floor in which my rooms lay, was hidden behind a rather tattered tapestry depicting an orange grove. Its layout was very much like that of the prefect’s bathroom. Large pool, gratuitous number of silver taps, more warm and fluffy towels than were strictly necessary…I smiled for the first time since I’d got on the train that morning, set down my pink toiletry kit on one of the richly upholstered chairs, and selected the fluffiest, most yellow, towel from the stack. All thoughts of Sodding James Potter left my mind and I decided I was never leaving this glorious bathroom again.

I tapped the spigots for lavender scented water and pink bubbles with my wand, slipped out of my clothes and into my robe and waited for the pool to fill. The water was nearly to the top when the echoes of the jangling door handle snapped me back to reality and before I even knew what I was doing I had fled to the linen closet at the back of the room. A bit of light made it through the slats and I peered through these at the intruder.

I could have sworn I’d cast a locking charm on that door. Who in the world could be so dense as to alohomora the door to the bath? 

Thick white steam billowed up from the warm water, obscuring my view so I couldn’t make out a thing. The intruder was a tall and lean man, I could tell that much, but it wasn’t until he spoke that I realized I might know who he was.

“Who left the taps going?” the man said, but then shrugged, seeming to believe it was some sort of fortuitous accident. The voice was familiar, so, so familiar but I couldn’t quite place it.  
The steam started to dissipate slightly, once he turned the water off. He shed his robes quickly. Head bent, sandy blonde hair obscuring his face, while his deft fingers, unbuttoned his shirt and trousers with a light touch and graceful speed that I found….

_Sweet baby Merlin that’s Remus,_ I screamed internally. 

I ducked a little lower in my closet, desperately hoping that the perfumed lavender water was too strong for him to discern my scent. How long was it till the full moon? I knew perfectly well that Remus’ wolf like senses grew stronger with each day between moons, but I was not an astronomer and I had not been around Remus in several years and had long since stopped tracking such things.  
Remus began fiddling with his things, organizing his robes, using those long, graceful fingers to check the buttons of his shabby shirt and fold his threadbare trousers. _Those fingers and the things they might do to…_ My eyes widened. “Merlin, I need a lay.” I muttered

With the steam almost gone I could see the room more clearly. If my memories of swimming in the Black Lake with the Gryffindor boys was at all accurate, Remus had gotten quite muscular since Hogwarts. He had always been rather lean, but now he was buff. With his back to me, I could easily see the muscles of his shoulders and upper back rippling under scarred skin with each minute movement. I found that I quite liked the divots on either side of his spine, just above the waistline of his boxers, though they disappeared when he bent to pull down the boxers in question.

_Jesus Merlin, this cannot be happening,_ I silently cried, though I was painfully aware of the fact that I couldn’t peel my eyes from that toned ass.

He turned toward me then, to set the garment aside with the rest of his clothes. I clapped my hand over my eyes, all the while wishing the earth would swallow me up and damning Dumbledore for his anti-apparition wards. I was mortified at the very thought of being discovered.

_Merlin, this couldn’t look any more suspicious,_ I thought, _stashed in a cupboard while my ex-boyfriends best mate bathes right in front of me._

It wasn’t until then that the details of my predicament really settled. Why _was_ Remus bathing right in front of me? Or more specifically, why was he bathing at Hogwarts at all?

Then it hit me.

He was the other new professor.

It was at least an hour before he finally emerged from the bath, gracefully popping up to sit on the edge, he grabbed his towel, stood as he wrapped it around his waist, and then stopped dead in his tracks, staring intently at something outside of my line of sight. He straightened suddenly, hastily dried himself with his wand and dressed very quickly. With one last glance around the room, he fled.

I waited for as long as I could stand to wait. Torn between getting the fuck out of that bathroom as quickly as I possibly could, and the devastating consequences of running in to him on my way back to my rooms. Finally, I slipped from the closet, dashed across the room to the chair on which I had left my things, and I froze.

_My name is on my toiletry kit._ I thought frantically, _MY NAME IS ON MY TOILETRY KIT._ I panicked. Is he going to confront me? Is he going to think I’m some awful pervert? How could he not? _Was_ I a pervert? Fuck, I’m a pervert aren’t I? Maybe he didn’t know it was me…It did have my name written across it, left over from my Hogwarts days, but it was quite faded, and it wasn’t immediately visible, half hidden under a pair of black knickers. _HE SAW MY KNICKERS??? What have I done to deserve this life?_

*

I watched Lily from around the corner as she scurried from the bathroom. Face blazing red. Dumbledore had told me, of course, of Lily’s impending arrival when I’d come to the castle that afternoon. I had thought it best if I gave her a day or two to settle in before coming by to clear the air. Her breakup with James had been absolutely terrible after all, and none us Marauders had been overly kind to her in the aftermath. I could hardly believe it when I saw her pile of clothes and pink kit on the bathroom chair. Her last name written on the side, now just barely visible after years of use. My heart had stopped at the sight of it and the Wolf, always so near to the surface this close to a full moon, had instinctively begun to shift through the scents of the room, searching for Lily’s. He’d found it quickly. Very faint, well masked by the pungent lavender, but there all the same. And what was more, the Wolf could sense the intoxicating pheromones of arousal. I’d had to flee then, the Wolf playing visions in my mind of that closet door flung open and what I might find there. I’d almost given, I’d wanted to give in, but I couldn’t do that. Not when my tosser of a best mate had left her like trash on the sidewalk and she must hate me for being the cause of that.

*

It took me hours to fall asleep. The shock of seeing Remus had worn off but the shock of _seeing_ Remus had not. He was attractive in a way that James had not been. Lithe and graceful as opposed to broad and athletic. Remus had a dancers body. And, I had to admit, I was taken aback by how big he is. I’d always assumed that James had had the biggest dick of the group, but now I knew that I was wrong. And Merlin, what I wouldn’t give to stop thinking about it.

Granted, I hadn’t been with anyone since James. I’d tried to go out a few times, but my heart just hadn’t been in it. But still, it’s not like I didn’t own a vibrator. It was one of the few Muggle objects I had brought back with me, even though I wasn’t sure if it would even work.

Never mind trying to get my hands on batteries…

But the agonizing thought that my brain kept going back to: How do you face seeing someone at the breakfast table when you had spent over an hour the previous night, trying, unsuccessfully, not to peep on them in the bath?

_I suppose I’ll just have to avoid eating, I thought to myself as I finally drifted off to sleep._

*

I lay awake in my bed, at the opposite end of the second-floor corridor. The Wolf was restless. It knew what Lily had subconsciously wanted and it forced a craving on me that I almost couldn’t control. I could still smell her, I realized. Whether that smell was real or imagined I didn’t know, but it didn’t matter. The Wolf was a virile being at the best of times, and the closer he got to the full moon, the harder I found it to suppress my alter ego.

How in the hell was I supposed to face her at the breakfast table the next morning when I knew full well that she’d seen me naked the night before? Do I play dumb? Pretend that I don’t know the she now knows what I look like? I thought of my scars. They made me self- conscious at the best of times, to know that Lily had seen them induced a whole other level of anxiety that I wasn’t quite equipped to handle while at the same time, the mere thought that she had seen me and had been turned on by what she had seen, gave me the most confusing boner I’ve ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to hmn007 for Beta reading this! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Of course he’d bloody remember to count them._

**Chapter 2**

I woke up so hungry that I knew there was never going to be any chance of skipping breakfast and decided (in what I, at the time, considered to be sheer brilliance) that I would skip the likelihood of running into Remus in the Great Hall by going straight to the source. I slunk from my rooms as quietly as I could, sneaking a look around corners before entering each new corridor. There was a hidden staircase behind a foggy old mirror in an ornate gold frame that would take me straight to the basement. I slipped through, cringing at the loud click the mirror made as it opened. I took the stairs two at a time, eager to get out of the dark space as quickly as possible. It wasn’t until I was already stuck up to my knee that I remembered that this staircase had a trick stair and I had forgot to count the steps as I came down in order to avoid it. I didn’t have much time to consider this predicament when I heard the mirror click open and set of feet descend.

“Five, Six, Seven, Eight-“ Remus stopped counting stairs as soon as he saw me. 

_Of course he’d bloody remember to count them._

“Um…hello Remus.” I squeaked

“I…er, hi.” He squeaked back

“I seem to have forgot to count the steps.”

“Yea, I see that.” He stepped forward, hauled me up by my armpits, and then took as many steps back as the narrow space would allow.

“Thank you.” I said, unsure where to go from there. “I was just, um, heading to the kitchens for breakfast.”

“I- I was going to do that as well.” He looked longingly toward the exit, barely visible in the gloom. 

“Well, I guess I’d better-“ I was pointing back up, the way I’d come, and Remus was nodding in agreement, both of us dying for this encounter to be over, when the mirror clicked open for a third time and Dumbledore appeared.

“Ah, there you are. Minerva and I were hoping to sit down for a meeting with you both over breakfast.” Dumbledore said, “We would like to discuss your respective roles.” We both looked at him quizzically. “Lesson plans and the like, all things that I am confident that you do not need help with, but that the school governors deem necessary, given your age and lack of teaching experience.”

With no other chance of escape, we reluctantly followed Dumbledore to his office.

We filed in and found that Minerva was already seated at a large table, tea in hand, plate of blueberry scones on the table before her, flipping through paperwork with a critical eye. We sat down across from her while Dumbledore sat on her left.

“I trust you’ve had a chance to settle in?” she asked, setting the tea down on a small, decorative plate with soft pink flowers around the edge. “Scone?” she asked, gesturing toward the pile in front of us. We each took one.

“We thought we’d try something a bit new this year.” Dumbledore began. “As I’m sure you have both realized during your own time in the subjects; ancient runes,” he gestured to Remus, “and arithmancy,” he gestured to me, “are very closely connected.”

My stomach sank, _I hope he’s not going to suggest what I think he is._ A glance at Remus confirmed that he had come to the same conclusion I had.

“So, Minerva and I thought,”

_Please God, no!_

“that it might be in the best interest of the students,”

_Fuck, he’s going there. He’s going to say it._

“If the two of you,”

_Pleeeease don’t say it_

“worked together to make your classes more complementary.”

_Godammit, I can’t catch a break._

“We know that means extra work and that you’ll have to work quite closely,”

_Too closely_

“but, I seem to remember the two of you being very good friends while in school, and we are confident that you are up to the challenge.” He smiled in a way that made it obvious he thought he was doing us a favor.

I looked sideways at Remus, his face had gone pale, causing the scars to stand out more starkly against his skin.

“Yes, we- we’ll get working on that right away.” He answered.

“Excellent, see you at dinner then.” Minerva said in dismissal, before returning to the papers before her.

Once in the hallway, Remus turned to me with a sigh of pure resignation.

“I know things ended badly between us after Hogwarts,” he said, not quite meeting my eyes, “but if we’re to be working together, perhaps we should try and put all that aside?”

“Yes, I agree.” I answered

“And- and I think that we should probably- er, talk about last night.” His face was blazing, switching from pale to flushed in an instant.

My eyes widened and my throat grew dry. 

“This is probably a conversation best had in private.” He turned and walked away and I didn’t know what else to do other than follow him.

Back down the main staircase from Dumbledore’s seventh floor office, down the hall, past my rooms, just around the corner from that damned bathroom, Remus stopped in front of a portrait of a fat, bald monk in brown robes. He murmured a password I couldn’t make out, and the portrait swung inward, revealing a set of rooms nearly identical to my own, except he had bothered to decorate. The shelves were packed full of books and pictures from Hogwarts. He had a beat up coffee table upon which a mountain of scattered parchment lay, tightly scrawled handwriting barely legible. He saw me eyeing up his paperwork.

“I had already got about half the year planned.” He said by way of explanation, “Um, have a seat.” He gestured to the couch and then sat himself in a chair that was about as far away from me as he could reasonably get. I didn’t blame him in the slightest.

“I’d only got a couple of weeks planned.” I said, trying to steer the conversation in any direction other than what had happened last night. “I can easily re-write to accommodate your plans though, then all of your work won’t have been for nothing.” I offered

“I appreciate the sentiment but we should go over everything in detail. I can switch things around if it means a better understanding for our students.” 

_Bloody perfectionist._ I nodded and reached for the nearest parchment, labelled week 12.

“Listen,” he began, “things are awkward. I don’t think either of us want to have this conversation, but we should-“

“It was an accident!” I said, a bit louder than I had intended. “I was going to take a bath, and then I heard the door opening and for some reason I hid in the closet. I was there before I even knew what I was doing and then it was too late and I didn’t even know it was you at first, but I swear I didn’t look, my eyes were closed, and I never meant for that to happen.” I said in a rush, barely stopping to breath.

“Merlin, why didn’t you lock the door?”

“I did! Didn’t I?” I asked at his dubious expression

“The door stuck, but it wasn’t locked. When you say you didn’t see anything, you um-” he reddened again, “I know that you did.”

“I didn’t see much.” He raised his eyebrows and gave me a skeptical look. “Hang on, what do you mean you know that I did?”

Remus had turned a shade of red that I don’t think I have ever seen on a person. Somewhere between terrible sunburn, and firetruck.

“The Wolf it-”

“Oh God,” I realized what he was getting at and was even more humiliated than I had already been. “Listen, no one regrets this incident more than me, can we just get these lesson plans done.”

“I- um, yeah, let’s get to work.”

We worked together for most of the day. Both of us trying very hard to avoid anything resembling physical contact while also skating around that fact that we were both feeling incredibly awkward about the whole situation. I tried my hardest to get lost in the work. To put the needs of our students ahead of any personal feelings that I was having toward Remus and I was honestly very impressed with his ability to do just that.

He was absorbed. Wholeheartedly. I could see the excitement in his eyes when an idea hit him or a concept finally clicked and I had to admit, we were a good team. My understanding of ancient runes had been adequate enough to do well on an exam but it was never instinctive to me like it was to Remus. And the same for him. Arithmancy came naturally to me in a way that was always just beyond his reach. In school we had both been frustrated by the others natural talent, but now, we complemented one another perfectly.

While that initial awkwardness never fully went away, I was finding inspiration in Remus’ passion. On the surface I told myself that this was simply because I too, was a perfectionist and I didn’t want him to show me up, but it went deeper than that. He made me want to be better. 

By dinner we had finished with the first week.

“I am sorry,” he said, fiddling with the roll of parchment in his hands, “about the way Sirius and I treated you after James-“

“It’s fine, Remus.” I cut him off, “I spent six years turning him down, I should have listened to my instincts.”

He gave me a sad look, “I just-“

“Remus, really. It’s fine. You were an immature teenager; I accidentally saw you in the bath. Let’s just call it even and never speak of either incident again, yea?”

*

I didn’t move for several minutes after Lily left. It took a lot of time for the smell of her to dissipate. The Wolf within was writhing to be set free and had been since the moment I’d found her on the stairs that morning. It wanted Lily, it _wanted_ her. And I wanted her too. That much was clear now.

I’d been fighting the Wolf’s desire for her since the day we’d met, but it was always present, in the back of my mind in that small space that the Wolf inhabited. I’d been fighting it for so long, telling myself that it was just the Wolf, lusting after something I’d never let it have, that I’d never allowed myself to stop and consider what was really at play here.

The thought of it terrified me. How was I supposed to confront her if I ever managed to confirm my suspicions that she was, in fact, my Mate? How would she react to _that_ news? How would she knowing that regardless of her own thoughts on the matter, there would always be an overly jealous wolf out there, in the body of a man who’s resolve to keep it in check was slowly crumbling?

It was bad enough that I’d acknowledged to myself that Moony, as I often referred to my alter ego, may have been right in his assertation that Lily was mine. But no, Lily was not _mine_ , she was an independent being who was bound to have her own thoughts and feelings on the matter. And at any rate, she could barely look at me, much less speak to me. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I was ever going to be able to tell her about werewolves and their mates and that Moony and I thought that there was a chance, well, more than a chance, that she might be ours. That was a lot to lay on a person after all. And how would that affect their working relationship? I’d been treading a fine line between allowing myself to become engrossed in the lesson plans while also avoiding the distraction that would allow the Wolf to gain some ground. 

And besides, if I really stopped and analyzed the situation, I knew there was a chance that I was completely off base. I knew very little of Werewolves and pack dynamic and how mates even worked. I’d never met another Werewolf who could have taught me, and it’s not like the subject was polite dinner conversation.

I sighed and clutched the papers a little tighter, resigned to the eternal loneliness of a werewolf who had met his mate but could never be with her. It wasn’t even a matter of sex. It was a matter of Pack. It was a matter of family. It was a matter of the absence of something I had never realised I was missing.

*

There was a general buzz and somber atmosphere over the room when I arrived in the Great Hall for dinner. I sat in an empty space at the table and glanced around to see multiple Evening Prophets being scrutinized by clusters of whispering staff. Madam Pomfrey turned to me as I started spooning potatoes onto my plate.

“Have you seen the Prophet, dear?” she asked, eyebrows knit in intense worry,

“No, has something happened?” I asked, feeling very foolish now for my reluctance to receive the paper for all those years. 

“The news just come out this evening. An anonymous citizen reported a string of suspicious disappearances and the Ministry has been covering it up.”

“What?” I said, in disbelief. 

“There’s been six already this year.”

“Six? But it’s only August.” 

Madam Pomfrey nodded solemnly

“Who’s disappeared?” I asked

“Several members of the Wizengamot, a few heads of department, low level officials, secretaries. There isn’t a pattern.”

She brandished the paper. Plastered across the front page was the headline

**MINISTRY COVERS SUSPICIOUS DISAPPEARANCES.**

**DARK WIZARD FEARED TO BE RESPONSIBLE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to hmn007 for Beta reading this! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The Wolf has come out then. Good._ I thought to myself with a wicked grin.

**Chapter 3**

Remus opened the door for me and I strode in. I was there for one reason and I was confident in what I wanted. He was surprised; he hadn’t expected me so late. I placed my hands on his chest, grabbing lightly at the stormy grey button down, his warmth seeping through the layer of clothes.

“I need you.” I said, my voice husky, pleading, betraying something in me that I’m not sure he had every fully realized was there.

“What do you mean you-“ I cut him off, kissing him eagerly, running my tongue across the seam of his lips and nipping them lightly when they parted. He groaned softly. I had always imagined he’d like that, but the confirmation made me whimper. I wanted more, I always wanted more where he was involved.

He kissed me passionately, primal instinct kicking in, his desire almost palpable in the frantic way in which his hand snaked up the back of my shirt and unclasped my bra. He slid his hand around to the front, massaging my breasts and rolling a nipple between his thumb and forefinger, Merlin, those fingers. I gasped, a deep shudder of want passing through me like a current. I worked at the buttons on his shirt, barely able to contain myself, goddammit that felt so good, _HOW_ did that feel so _good_? I slid his shirt from his shoulders, and he tugged my blouse over my head.

His lips found my nipple then and I threw my head back in ecstasy as his tongue swirled around the hardened nub. I fumbled with his belt and the button of his trousers, unable to get them off fast enough, incapable of waiting any longer. Something deep inside me _wanted_ him, fuck, no it _needed_ him, it claimed him as my own and Jesus Christ, the feel of those fingers and that tongue and the way he made me ache.

“Goddammit, I need you.” I whispered breathily.

He backed me across the room, pulling my skirt down as we went, both of us stumbling over the beat-up coffee table, neither of us noticing. The small of my back hit one of the shorter bookcases and he lifted me up to sit me on top. He left a trail of kisses down my body, nipping softly at my collarbone and navel before settling between my legs. I spread them wide but that wasn’t enough for him and he threw them over his shoulders and buried his tongue in me. I moaned deeply, pulling his hair as he sucked and licked and I begged for more. He pulled me closer to the edge of the shelf, allowing himself better access. My hands gripped the edge, willing myself, desperately to hold out.

“Fuck me, please.” I whimpered. He looked up from his place between my legs and his eyes flashed gold for an instant.

_The Wolf has come out then. Good._ I thought to myself with a wicked grin.

He stood and I wrapped my legs around him, drawing him closer still. He was in me in an instant, exhaling heavily in my ear.

I gasped at the length of him, sliding in easily, effortlessly. Mine and mine only. He pumped with a cadence that I found exquisite, in and out and in and out, slowing every so often to savor the way I felt and the way he felt when he was inside of me. I relished the feel of him, the way he fit, the way he knew exactly what I wanted and when I wanted it.

He moaned into my shoulder and I nipped his ear lightly, making him moan even louder. I knew the Wolf would enjoy that just as much as I did.

I rocked my hips then and he shuddered. He wasn’t going to be able to hold out much longer, though, neither was I. He licked the pad of his thumb and found my clit. Rubbing the sensitive spot with a teasing touch as he continued to pump. I wanted more, I begged for more, I _needed_ more. I cried out, I didn’t want to wait any longer, not when he was kissing me like that and fucking me like that and _goddammit_ , those fingers. I couldn’t wait, I was desperate for release, it was too much, it was- his lips found mine, silencing my cries and my whole body shook.

My orgasm woke me and I sat straight up in bed, eyes wide, face blushed, panting heavily. The room still echoed with my climax.

I could still feel him, could still taste him even. The touch was fading quickly, but it was there all the same. His lips on mine, his breath in my ear, his hands in my hair. 

I had been subconsciously masturbating to Remus for three weeks now. Every time I would lay down, vibrator in hand, my vivid imagination conjuring the feel of hands on my body, or a tongue lapping against my clit, or the way it felt to be properly fucked, my mind would always put a face to that man and that face was always Remus’.

“Merlin, I need a lay.” I murmured to myself.

Remus was James’ best friend and sure, he had been my best friend too, at one point in time, but that had all been ruined when James had- 

But that was unimportant. Old news. Ancient history. I was just as determined to never think of that wanker again as I was to get Remus out of my head.

I was sure that the only reason I was imagining Remus was because his was the last cock I had seen and those fingers, those long fucking, graceful fingers and the way they had moved down his shirt, carefully undoing the buttons, lightly caressing each one in the process, and how easy it was to imagine how that would feel against my…

“No!” I snapped myself out of my reverie. I was not going to go down that path. That was the path that led to sex dreams about your exes best friend. I was not, under any circumstances, going to go there. I needed a different dick. Any dick would do at this point and I laughed as I contemplated my prospects. What was I supposed to do? Seduce Flitwick?

I dressed quickly. I wanted a shower but I had slept in enough that that wasn’t going to be an option.

*

_Dumbledore may have been on to something_ , I thought as I packed up my things after classes. By the end of the first month the students seemed to be thriving. They understood concepts in a way that Remus and I could never have hoped to accomplish that early into a semester, and what was more, they seemed to enjoy it. I’d never known anyone, other than myself, to show up excited and engaged to a first thing in the morning class, but there they were. Filing in, discussing amongst themselves, asking questions that were actually intelligent and not just things that I had already gone over in detail that they had not been bothered to actually copy down. I was impressed.

I knocked on the portrait that concealed Remus’ door a little while later, armed with snacks and a large pitcher of Butterbeer. 

“Ready to get to work?” he asked as he opened the door wide to admit me, and took the butterbeer that I had been about to drop.

“Yep, I brought cookies.” I said, plopping the crushed brown bag that I had been holding under my arm onto the coffee table. “Chocolate chip.” I had remembered from our Hogwarts days that those were his favorite.

I sat down on the overstuffed chair, legs crossed, while he sat across from me on the couch. He accio’d a couple of tea cups from a cabinet in the corner and poured us both some butterbeer.

“I was thinking that if we introduce the concept of the Norse runes and the way that they coincide with- Is everything okay?” he asked, looking up from the book in his hands.

I had been staring over his shoulder at the bookcase from my dream, thinking about my legs thrown over his shoulders and the feel of his hair beneath my fingers. The way he had ripped at my clothes, the way he licked the pad of his thumb when flipping to a new page of parchment, the way he held a quill. What was _WRONG_ with me? Flashes of that dream had been haunting me all day and I ached even now.

He glanced over his shoulder as well, confused when there was nothing behind him. His eyes flashed for an instant, a sign that the Wolf was there, beneath the surface. 

“Yes, Norse runes. Perfect.” I blushed.

*

Lily had entered the room with the mingled scent of chocolate and the salty sweet smell of her desire. The Wolf had squirmed at that, and we could both imagine the way she would taste.

I was really trying to mend our friendship, or at least to keep things professional between us but I was having a hard time keeping her at arm's length, particularly when she showed up to a work session smelling of my favorite cookie and that particular aroma that sent both the Wolf and I reeling. 

She had been preoccupied the entire time. Staring off into space, biting her lip, eyebrows drawn together ever so slightly, anticipation painted on her lovely face. I had noticed that the smell of her anticipation never fully went away these days. Merlin knows I thought about it more than I should have. I shook my head. No. She was far from interested in me in any way other than colleague. It didn’t matter that we’d been best friends while in school, I had spoiled that. 

What I didn’t understand was why the Wolf was just now growing so restless at the lack of physical closeness. Moony had always wanted her, to be sure, and we would have put ourselves between her and any threat in an instant if the opportunity had presented itself. The Wolf considered her Pack after all, just as it did James and Sirius and Peter. And though the Wolf had longed for her, instinctively, from the moment she’d entered our lives, it had been mostly content just to keep her near. 

Something had changed. 

I resolved to do some research. I was sure there had been a book in the library about Werewolf mating habits that I had been too embarrassed to read as a teenager.

*

I sat idly in my office, a pile of papers to grade in front of me but I couldn’t concentrate. The dream had shook me and I was positive Remus could tell. He’d caught me drifting off too many times, lost in my thoughts. We were going to need to switch these work sessions to my rooms. His was too distracting. Better yet an office. Offices were professional right?

I looked at the papers again and sighed. _Is it unethical to just give everyone an Acceptable?_

I didn’t get it. We had been best friends in school. We’d been close, we’d told each other things we’d never dream of telling anyone else. Why was everything so weird now? Sure, I had never thought of him in such a sexual nature, and sure James had effectively ended our friendship but it’s not like Remus was the cause of all of that. I wanted us to pick up where we left off. He seemed so lonely these days. Something deep inside that I didn’t understand yearned to ease that loneliness. To do whatever it took to make him happy. To help him be that carefree boy that he was before. I hated that we continued to keep each other at arm’s length.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to hmn007 for Beta reading this! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now sit down, Remus, Lily was just about to tell me about this bloke she fancies.”

**Chapter 4**

_“More often than not, a wolf's pack becomes the closest thing to family they’ll ever find, and this is all well and good, but only if you’re the Alpha. For the rest of us, life is lonely road, constantly looking for something that for most, is never found. A pack means protection and a pack means friendship, but it is a poor substitute for a true family of one’s own. Truth is, it’s rare for a werewolf to find anyone outside of his or her own kind who doesn’t recoil at the very sight of them. A werewolf’s best chance is to find their Mate and that is such a rare occurrence it’s almost unheard of._

_In all my years, I’ve only met one werewolf who actually managed to do it. He said it was as if the world changed for him, when he first saw her. Everything slowed down, sounds muted, she shone brighter than anything in the room and he knew that he would spend the rest of his life keeping her safe._

_It took some time for her to come to terms with what she was to him and with the reason behind the intense feelings she felt for him, but after a while, they had each other and didn’t need anyone else. He left his pack shortly after finding her. She was all he needed.”_  
(Anonymous, Hairy Snout, Human Heart. Cardiff: Whizz Hard Books, 1975. Print)

The library was dark and the candle was sputtering by the time I finished reading. I sat surrounded by a dozen or so books, the scraps of parchment I’d used as bookmarks poking out of almost every one. The light snow that had been falling all day had begun to collect on the window sill, and as I stared at my pale reflection in the glass, I knew that this was the confirmation I’d been looking for.

“Lily is my Mate,” I muttered to myself.

I thought back on the moment I had first seen her, so many years before on Platform 9 3⁄4. I’d been looking in the direction of the barrier the moment she came through, green eyes wide, red hair loose and wild, a look of pure elation and wonder on her face. The world had diminished, moving in slow motion as if underwater. Sounds muted, her laugh was the only sounds that came through clearly and she was the only thing I could see with any clarity.

Her vibrant eyes the deepest emerald, I could practically feel her thick red hair in my hands; silky and smelling of strawberries. I could count every freckle and a glow had come from her, like a spotlight, following her for a few steps before I was slammed back to reality and I lost sight of her in the crowd.

_Lily is my Mate, and everything makes sense now._

Except everything did not make sense. Not _really_. True, the first time I saw her had all the hallmarks of an initial Mate encounter, but I hadn’t felt possessive of her, protective yes, but she was my first friend at Hogwarts and she was Pack even before The Marauders were. I tried to think back on the early days of our friendship. Had she felt like Pack before we had spoken, or did that come after? I couldn’t remember, it was as if everything Pre-Lily was clouded and foggy and everything since was a blur.

I theorized a little bit. I’d never read an account of a werewolf finding their Mate when still a child and I seriously doubted that was an achievement anyone else could claim. Perhaps, though the Wolf had obviously taken notice of her, it had been too young to fully appreciate what she would become. Perhaps the Wolf had been mostly content to keep her safe and near in the early days but didn't know how to feel about her beyond that?

As we grew older the attraction had certainly grown and the Wolf’s notice increased. It had not been happy when she and James had begun dating during our seventh year and I had a rough time holding him in, but I’d attributed that to the fact that Lily was a beautiful young woman. Maybe there was more to it than that, maybe the Wolf had begun to stir.

By graduation the Wolf was fully awake. James had broken things off with her soon after and immediately following that, Lily had withdrawn from the wizarding world entirely. I thought back on those days, the Wolf had been furious. I had taken a broom out to Cokeworth to try and find her and stayed for almost a month, almost until the full moon, but I hadn’t been successful. I’d returned a failure and that moon had been a bad one.

The only factor I could not manage to fit in to this whole scenario was Lily herself. The passage from _Hairy Snout, Human Heart_ had made it sound as if the Mate felt something for the werewolf as well, but Lily could barely look at me. I doubted very much that she felt anything beyond the general fondness one feels for a coworker. Maybe, possibly, somewhere deep inside, she found me objectively attractive (even the thought made me blush), but I didn’t think it was anything like what the book had described.

*

The weather had changed dramatically since Halloween and fat flakes were falling, even though it was only the end of November. Despite the chill, I found myself slogging down to Hogsmeade, trailing behind a number of students eager for an afternoon away from the castle.

I was entirely lost in my own thoughts when I entered The Three Broomsticks, stomping my boots, amid flurries of snow. The pub was as cozy as it ever was with it’s three roaring fires. I sidled up to the bar, intent on a warm cider, when I noticed the stack of Daily Prophets in a neat pile next to the wall. I dropped a sickle in the collection tin, and took a paper. The picture on the front page was chilling. A huge skull with a snake coming from its mouth, floating above a small cottage in the country and a headline that read,

**MUGGLE FAMILY MURDERED, DARK MARK SEEN AGAIN**

“Lily?” a voice yelled from across the crowded pub. A huge grin broke out on my face. I’d recognize that voice anywhere. I turned around as Marlene McKinnon barrelled in to me, squeezing me in a giant hug.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were back?” She asked accusingly, the slight Irish lilt of her voice coming out as it only did when she was drunk or cross. It seemed she was currently both.

“I didn’t tell anyone I was back.” I laughed, as she drug me across the bar to her table.

“Well, you can catch me up on where you’ve been in a moment but for now, do you know what you want to drink? I’ve had three firewhiskys and I’m thinking of switching it up.” she contemplated the menu.

Three more firewhiskys for Marlene (Merlin, that girl could hold her liquor) and two glasses of wine for me later, we were both feeling rather loose and talk had turned to Marlene’s current romantic situation.

“It’s not that he’s a _bad_ guy,” Marlene said, hanging on my shoulder for emphasis, “He’s just not all that _interesting_. And he keeps asking me to move in with him. What’s that about?” she was legitimately confused, she’d never really grasped the intricacies of relationships.

I snorted with laughter, “How _dare_ he fall in love!” I slapped my hand on the table and the empty glasses jumped.

“That’s what _I’m_ saying,” her accent growing more and more pronounced with each word, “Why did he have to go and start having feelings? This was just supposed to be a bit of fun.” I snorted again, “What about you? You’ve got to have _someone_.” I had already told her that I’d been single since breaking up with James.

I didn’t know how to explain my sudden attraction to Remus, I didn’t even particularly want to tell her it was Remus, but I found myself needing to talk about it anyway, needing someone else to know.

“There’s this _one_ guy. I’ve known him for years but now I can’t get him out of my head-” I started but Marlene was not paying attention. Her eyes were trained on the back of a very tall head of light brown hair, flecks of premature grey obvious even from this distance.

“Is that Remus Lupin?” she asked, “REMUS LUPIN!” she shouted, causing everyone in the bar to turn and look at us. Remus included. He made his way through the crowd, a bottle of beer held above his head to avoid jostling elbows.

“I thought you were ill?” I asked, trying not to sound accusatory. The full moon had been two nights before and that morning he had sent a note to cancel our work session. 

“I was, but I’m feeling much better. How are you Marlene? It’s been a while.”

“That it has, old friend,” she put an arm companionably around his shoulder and I felt a pang of jealousy. “Now sit down, Lily was just about to tell me about this bloke she fancies.” 

I turned scarlet, and buried my head in my arms.

_Goddammit, Marlene._

“So,” she prodded me with a finger, “What kind of guy is he? Leather clad bad boy? Athletic prodigy? Brooding musician? Tall? I bet he’s tall.”

“He _is_ tall,” I answered meekly, thinking of how Remus towered over me by almost a whole head. I glanced at him for half a second and turned red all over again.

“Details! I need details!” she shouted as she motioned for the bartender to send over another round. 

“There’s not much to say,” I replied, trying to back out of the conversation.

“Bollocks, you were just saying that you’d known him for years and now you can’t get him out of your head.”

_Oh God._

“He’s just, he’s nice.”

“Nice? That doesn’t sound all that exciting does it, Remus?” she lightly elbowed him and he made that noncommittal noise he makes when he’s put on the spot and uncomfortable about it. 

_Merlin, Marlene, give it a rest_

“What’s he like? And don’t say nice.”

“He’s, I dunno, caring and thoughtful. Usually a bit sad.” Marlene gave me a sharp ‘ _What the fuck is wrong with you_?’ look, “Okay, not sad. Sad is the wrong word. Lonely? I guess he seems lonely.” I caught myself staring at Remus as I said the last part and wondered how often I had done that without realizing.

_Jesus, could I be anymore obvious?_

“And you want to keep him company?” Marlene waggled her eyebrows and I rolled my eyes.

“No, I just, he’s not close with many people, and I dunno, I feel drawn to him. I have this weird...urge, to...to-”

*

“Protect him?” I cut in before I could stop myself. Her eyes met mine and the world slowed down as understanding hit me.

 _It’s me._

“Anyone that I would know?” Marlene teased. “Frank?”

_No, it’s me_

“Peter?”

_Can you imagine?_

“Amos?”

_Come off it_

“Ludo?”

_Me_

“Sirius?”

_ME!_

“There were only so many people at Hogwarts, I’ll guess the right one eventually.”

_You don’t have to guess, I’m right here_. I looked at Lily then. Her face was brighter than her hair and I realized that no matter how badly I wanted to speak with her about it, she wasn’t ready to admit her feelings aloud and she certainly wasn’t ready to learn the reason why she suddenly felt like this.

“Maybe I should,” I started sliding from the stool, but Marlene, never one to give up so easily, drug me back up.

“Who do you reckon, Remus?” She asked, brow raised

_Me. It’s me._

“I don’t think it’s any of my business.” I said thickly, looking Lily directly in the eyes, trying to convey that I knew and that I was going to be there when she was ready to talk. That I wouldn’t push her. That I would be patient.

She stared back with a small look of sadness

_Alright Moony, you were right. What do I do now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much hmn007 for beta reading! I appreciate it soo much!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Then be with me_ , Moony’s thought was loud in my head. Normally, this would have been disconcerting, but for once I agreed so wholeheartedly I hardly even took notice.

**Chapter 5**

_I have a crush on Remus Lupin._ Was a statement that had run through my head often in the month since drinks with Marlene. It was like something had broken loose that day and now I couldn’t go back. I had a crush on Remus Lupin and I had no idea what I was going to do about it. 

It was a beautiful December afternoon, the students had been sent off to their homes that morning, the sun shone brightly, the sky was clear and blue, and the heavy snow that had fallen the night before lay pristine on either side of the road back to the castle.

_I couldn’t tell him could I?_

“No, that would be stupid.” I mumbled to myself.

“What would be stupid?” a deep voice said from behind me and I jumped. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Remus added with a light laugh.

“I didn’t hear you come up.”

“Mind if I join you?” he asked

“Of course not,” I smiled.

“I’m surprised you didn’t go home for the holidays,” he said after a minute of walking.

“Yes, well, not really much incentive is there?” I mumbled angrily. “Petunia,” I added when he shot me a confused look. “She’s been absolutely unbearable. She’s getting married to some awful man called Vernon and all she can talk about is the _wedding_ and how _wonderful_ and _normal_ and _non-magical_ Vernon is and how I’m set to die alone because I’m such a freak even my own kind won’t have me.” my tirade over, I kicked a stone. 

“She thinks no one wants you?” He asked crisply, with a shocked tone that suggested something else, “I mean, um- there’s someone out there for everyone, as they say.” I raised my eyebrows at him, in confusion. “She still on about magic then?”

“Yes. Says it’s evil, but I know she’s just jealous. What about you?”

“I don’t really like going home. My father’s been afraid of me since, well, you know, and with mum gone there’s just really no point keeping up the charade.”

I placed a hand on his arm, stopping him in the middle of the road and looked up at him.

“I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you when she died. I know the two of you were close.” She had died during the three years when I’d been shutting out all things magic.

“It’s alright, it’s hardly your fault.” he shrugged. “I’m better off here anyway. It’s been hard finding work, and somehow, I’m afraid that if I leave, I’ll come back to find it was all a dream.”

Looking at him, I had to admit that consistent employment suited him. He had filled out, the hollow cheekbones and sallow skin gone with regular meals and he’d finally replaced the threadbare clothes that had been barely hanging on. His long wool cloak looked particularly dashing.

The wind whipped up a bit and I drew my coat tighter.

“Are you cold? Here.” He whipped the cloak off and draped it over my shoulders.

“Now you’re going to get cold,” I started, trying to give the cloak back.

“Nonsense.” he replied, clasping it at my neck.

“Thank you.” I said simply. It smelled of him. Wild and oaky, with cinnamon and Earl Grey tea and more than a hint of chocolate. 

“It’s nothing.” we began to walk again, the castle looming as we drew nearer. “Any plans for your two weeks off?”

“I’m going to be absolutely lazy.” I smiled, “I’m going to sleep in every morning and spend my days reading something other than arithmancy textbooks. Just me, a few trashy novels and a cup of steaming tea. How about you?”

“I hadn’t given it much thought, but that does sound nice.” 

I had a sudden flash of Remus and I, relaxing in our pajamas in my rooms, both of us on the couch, he with his feet resting on the trunk that served as my coffee table, and me with my feet resting on his lap. Both of us with books in our hands and cups of tea within reach. He would look up every so often and read me a passage that he found interesting. I shook the scene from my mind and reminded myself that we were never going to be anything more than colleagues. 

He held the door open for me when we reached the castle. We talked amiably about this and that while we climbed the stairs to our second floor corridor where we stopped in front of the painting, a landscape featuring a field of grapes stretching out into the distance, that served as the door to my rooms.

“Want to come in?” I asked. He had so far not ventured further than my office. “I have tea, or wine if you’re feeling something a little stronger.”

*

I swallowed hard before saying yes, my Adams’s Apple catching on the lump that had suddenly formed in my throat.

“Yes please, that sounds lovely.” I said, following her in. She laid my cloak carefully over the back of the sofa then tossed her own jacket on the chair before going to the tall green cupboard in the corner. 

“Which would you like?” She called, “It is very good wine, for the record.” 

“How could I say no?” I answered. I couldn’t help looking around the small sitting room. She had very few personal touches, a stack of bad romance novels sat unorganized on one of the bookshelves. Textbooks and reference guides that she used often were alphabetized, and she had one photograph. A picture taken at the Black Lake that featured herself, Marlene McKinnon and Mary MacDonald, arms thrown around each other, with massive smiles and pure joy in their eyes. I had taken that picture and I remembered the day well. She’d ended her friendship with Severus a few weeks earlier and it was the first day that she hadn’t felt terrible about how it had happened.

She passed me a glass of deep red wine and we sat on opposite ends of the small couch, facing each other. I could hear her heart beating in her chest, faster than normal. 

“I’ve been meaning to ask, how have the moons been since coming back? I know how Sirius, James, and Peter helped you with that. Before.”

I thought of the pain first. The bones breaking and moving, muscles and tendons stretching impossibly, organs shifting, nails turning to claws, teeth sharpening, my whole face changing shape. Then I thought of after, when the transformation was complete, and I was delegated to the spot, in the back of my mind where the Wolf usually lay. 

The first two moons after coming back to Hogwarts had been torture. The Wolf had been angry and restless and frustrated. It _wanted_ Lily, and she was there, _right there_ , if he could just make it past the wards that kept him locked away in the shrieking shack. The Wolf didn’t want to turn her, the thought of biting her in that way was unthinkable to both of us, but the burning need to be near her was too much. The Wolf had lashed out, scratching and biting and throwing himself at the walls, tearing apart the few remaining pieces of furniture until all that was left were splinters. 

The third moon had not been like that. The acceptance and then confirmation of everything the Wolf had been sure about had placated the beast. The transformation was still terrible, it always was, but the Wolf had a new found sense of restraint and rather than tear at the walls, he had paced the shack all night, waiting out the full moon until we could be near to her again. At least for now, the Wolf was willing to be patient. 

“The first two were bad, but the last one was okay. I think I’m getting used to being on my own again.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I don’t like to see you hurt.” Her eyes had grown soft and the muscle in her hands twitched, as if she had wanted to reach out and grab my arm but hadn’t had the courage. 

“No?” I smirked, trying to lighten the mood, but Lily was most of the way through her glass and she wasn’t thinking as much as she usually did about what she was saying.

“I hate seeing you so sad. I don’t want you to be lonely anymore.”

_Then be with me_ , Moony’s thought was loud in my head. Normally, this would have been disconcerting, but for once I agreed so wholeheartedly I hardly even took notice. 

Lily leaned forward, her heart beating loudly in her chest, _THUMP-THUMP, THUMP-THUMP_ , shortened breath coming through slightly parted lips. She licked them nervously when she noticed that I had been staring. I leaned in as well, drawn to her as if we were two halves of a magnet.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK

Lily jumped up in an instant, reddening with embarrassment at what had almost happened. She answered the door, took a step back, and Albus Dumbledore walked in looking very grave indeed.

He took a quick glance around the room, tension palpable, half empty wine bottle, and the two of us looking as if we were guilty of something.

“I am sorry to interrupt,” he started, “but I’m afraid I have some grave news.” he motioned for Lily to sit back down and she did. Our knees bumped. “Do you mind, Miss Evans?” he asked, gesturing to the wine bottle.

“Of course not, Professor.” He conjured a glass and poured himself a small amount, then settled himself in the chair across from us.

“What I am about to tell you must be kept in the strictest confidence.” He said solemnly, making eye contact first with Lily and then with myself. We both nodded, of course we would never tell a soul. Albus took a deep breath, and began,

“Many years ago, a very bright pupil named Tom Riddle, came to Hogwarts from a muggle orphanage. Tom was an incredibly powerful and gifted wizard, well beyond his peers in terms of intellect and talent, in fact he still holds the record for most O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s. There was not a professor in this castle who did not predict that Tom Riddle would go on to do great things. What we did not predict was that he would turn to dark magic even before he left school. Tom had a close group of followers with whom he worked to unlock the secret of becoming immortal. Death Eaters, they called themselves and they called Tom, Lord Voldemort. 

“But it seems that Tom and his followers have moved away from that original goal. Voldemort has just stepped forward to claim responsibility for recent events. He and his Death Eaters have orchestrated all of it, and it’s not going to stop there. They aim to wipe out anyone who isn’t pureblood, enslave Muggles, and destroy part humans.” He paused then, eyes searching our faces.

“I tell you all of this because the time has come to take action and I humbly request your help. I want you to be sure before you give me your final answer. There’s every chance that the Ministry has been infiltrated and we don’t want to get the Aurors more involved than is strictly necessary. You must understand that we will be unaffiliated with the Ministry and acting independently and in violation of wizarding law. Our activities will be a great personal risk. There is no shame in saying no.”

“I want to join. People like Remus and I are in danger,” Lily said with a slight hitch. “I can’t just sit around and let it happen.”

“I want in as well,” I added, “I need to do my part.” 

_And I where Lily goes, I go,_ Moony added. Dumbledore gave me a slight, knowing smile and nodded.

“I admire you both very greatly.” Dumbledore drained his glass and vanished it with a pop. “You will receive notification when the date and time of the first meeting is set.”

With Dumbledore gone, I considered the ramifications of what Lily and I had just signed on for. We were both good at magic, but this was going to be war. An actual war. People died in wars. Lily had a determined look on her face. A resolution that was, frankly, terrifying. But I knew there was no choice in the matter. Beyond it being the right thing to do, I knew that wherever Lily went, I would follow. She was a warrior preparing for battle. Moony and I were her shield.

*

It was a week before Dumbledore sent the owl. An unassuming tawny, bearing a nondescript parchment on Hogwarts letterhead. To the casual observer, it may as well have been a memo announcing a staff meeting or policy change. I opened it with shaking hands, I knew it was a summons, and even though I had signed on for this, even though I wanted to go, I was still nervous. In Dumbledore’s flowing script, it said:

_“The first meeting of the Order of the Phoenix will occur at 7:00pm on the evening of January 4th. The location of this meeting will be The Shrieking Shack. Remus can show you how to get in.”_

As soon as I finished reading it, the letter caught fire. I poked my head into the hall just as Remus was rounding the corner. From the look on his face I knew that he had received the same summons that I had.

“You know how, right?” he asked.

“Of course, why?”

“I have plans earlier that night, it would be suspicious if I cancelled. I’ll have to meet you there.”

I nodded in response and he strode away in a hurry.

*

I had owled James and Sirius as soon as the summons arrived. I’d known without question that they would have been recruited as well, just as I knew, without question, that it was going to kill Lily to see James again, and I was hoping to lessen that by making sure James didn’t say anything idiotic.

“Moony!” Sirius shouted, James trailed behind with a big grin. I’d had the two of them meet me in The Three Broomsticks for a pre-meeting catch up. I smiled at the sight of my two best friends. I may have been of the opinion that they were both complete and utter tossers ninety percent of the time, but they were still as good as brothers. I stood, giving them both a half hug and a clap on the back.

“So why all the secrecy?” James asked, settling into the booth that I had chosen for its relative privacy. “I understand the other thing, but why couldn’t this just be a few friends having a pint?” 

“We need to talk.” I answered after casting a silencing charm around the booth. “Lily’s back. Teaching arithmancy,” the look of shock on both of their faces proved that they hadn’t known.

“How is she?” James asked.

“She’s good. Better anyway. She seems sad sometimes, but mostly she’s the same sarcastic, witty, passionate woman she was while we were in school.” James shot Sirius a meaningful look and I shook my head, trying to get back the thread of what I was about to say. “Point is, she doesn’t know that your going to be there tonight, and I want to make sure you two wankers don’t say or do anything stupid around her. I know things ended badly, but,” I took a deep, steadying breath, “there’s something I need to tell-”

“I know what you're going to say,” James cut me off, “and listen, Moony, it’s probably time we tell _you_ something.”

“Careful, James-” Sirius said cautiously.

“No, Pads, he needs to know. And I release you from your oath.” He flicked his wand at Sirius who’s right wrist briefly glowed orange in snaky tendrils.

“What do I need to know?” I asked, the words coming out sluggish in my confusion

“Back at school, you and Lily were close, yeah?”

“Best friends from the start.”

“And do you remember that project we had in defense against the dark arts seventh year? The one where we had to pick a creature to report on and Sirius and I chose werewolves to mess with you?”

“Vividly.”

“Right, well after you boycotted the project on principal and Sirius skived off because he was bored with the joke, that left me to do all the research. I must have read every book on werewolves the library had to offer, and one of those books was an autobiography-”

“ _Hairy Snout, Human Heart._ ” I said, my voice hollow

“Yes, that one. I realized pretty quickly it wasn’t going to have the kind of information I needed for the project, and I felt weird reading it but, I was curious and I thought I might learn something I could tease you with. Anyway, after reading the section about Mates I started to notice things about you and Lily. You two were _so_ close, more than normal, and you were very protective of her. You did a good job of not letting it show, but anytime things got hard, like that whole thing with Snape, or when the Slytherins started picking on her for being Muggleborn, you were always the first one to come to her defense. You were there before me and I was supposed to be the one who was obsessed with her. So, I showed it to Pads, and he agreed.”

“I didn’t mean to-”

“Let me finish mate, I knew you couldn’t control it then, any more than you can now. And as far as Lily was concerned, no one was allowed to say a word against you. She’s a loyal friend in general, but with you it was different. She obviously cared a lot about you, but it was also clear that she hadn’t really realized what was going on either.

“I knew I couldn’t stay with her. She’s amazing, inside and out, and I loved her. _Truly_ , I did, but I knew what living without her would mean for you and, I couldn’t do that to my best friend.”

“All this time, you knew and you didn’t tell me? And you knew too?” I directed my gaze at Sirius, who nodded.

“James made me take an oath.”

“And Peter?”

“We left him out of it. Pete’s a decent guy, but he can’t keep a secret to save his life. He’s not even in the Order.” Sirius shrugged.

I turned back to James, “Why did you let me believe it was because of what that Ravenclaw said?”

Just before graduation, a rumor began circulating that Lily and I were secretly seeing each other behind James’ back. James had asked me about it, and I’d taken a bit too long to tell him it was untrue. He had been mad (or pretended to be mad, I was realizing now) for months, before he showed up one day out of the blue with a bottle of firewhisky. We got drunk and all was forgiven. 

“I had to come up with something didn’t I? Honestly, it was such a flimsy excuse I was surprised you believed it in the first place.”

“Then why did you have to be so nasty to her about it?”

“Because I loved her and she loved me and I needed to be sure that there was no chance at reconciliation.”

“We would have told you sooner,” Sirius said, “but we know how you are with things concerning your condition and we didn’t want you to feel pressured into a relationship. We knew you’d get there on your own in the end. Though I admit we never expected her to abandon magic entirely.”

I contemplated these words for a moment and then punched James squarely in the nose.

*

I climbed through the trapdoor in the shrieking shack at exactly twenty minutes to seven. I wasn’t the only one to arrive early, though it wasn’t until Marlene appeared that I knew any of the other attendees.

“I’m so glad you got invited to this too.” Marlene said as she sat next to me on the rough wooden bench. “Has Dumbledore said anything else beyond the initial recruitment?”

“No, I haven’t even seen him in the week since he came and talked to Remus and I-” Marlene grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight. A large group was coming through the trapdoor, and as my eyes locked with James’, my heart stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much hmn007 for beta reading! I really can't tell you how much I appreciate it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus looked at me sympathetically. He reached up and gently tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

**Chapter 6**

I held the identification book in my hand. No larger than a Muggle passport, the cover was gold with red lettering. It contained my name, my picture, my occupation and the details of my wand, but the girl in the book was not me. The girl in the book was Lily Evans, daughter of Robert Evans and Katherine Prewett. Instead of the Mudblood daughter of two Muggles, Dumbledore had turned me into the Half-blood child of a prominent wizarding family, one of the sacred twenty-eight. It was a good match, I had to admit. The Prewett’s were known, after all, for their red hair and quick wit, and they were firmly on our side and were already hard at work surreptitiously spreading the news that I was a relative. 

Since the announcement the day before, that all witches and wizards needed to present themselves to be registered, it was a step that needed to be taken. But it felt wrong. I was proud that my parents were Muggles, I was proud of how hard they’d worked their whole lives and of all that they’d accomplished. How Dumbledore had procured these fake documents was beyond me. I suspected a contact within The Department for Magical Law Enforcement, but he wouldn’t tell and I didn’t think it right to press the issue. So, I’d taken the document, flipped to the page containing my new lineage, and felt hollow.

Remus had it worse. Along with the decree that all magickind must register their pedigree, came the announcement that all half-humans had to make themselves known to The Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. The werewolf registry had gone into effect the same day and Dumbledore had not been able to keep him off the list.

Along with the false documents, a mission had come. The Order had observed Death Eaters in Aberdeen and had suspected it was a regular meeting place for them. One of the minor pureblood families, the Macnair's, lived in the city and while they were not one of the more influential families backing Voldemort, they were known supporters vying for a spot amongst his ranks. Remus and I were stationed across the street from the Macnair’s home, on the second floor of a rather posh art gallery where we could easily keep tabs on who came and went. We’d set up some charms to alarm us of comings and goings that morning, and after nearly eighteen hours of waiting, we’d had no luck. 

We sat, backs to the wall, squeezed together in that small stretch between two large windows, directly below a black and white oil painting of something modern and abstract. He’d been acting weird all night, quiet, awkward and flustered. It felt like when we’d first come back to Hogwarts, after what we referred to as “the bathroom incident”. It felt like we had somehow lost the friendship we’d finally managed to scrape back together. 

“So, why did James show up to the Order meeting with two black eyes and a bloody nose?” I asked, I’d been trying to draw him out of his shell all night and had so far been unsuccessful. 

“I don’t want to talk about James.” He sighed. 

“Most of the time, neither do I, but in this case, I think I’d like to thank the guy who punched him.” 

“You’re welcome.”

“It was you? Why? I thought you two were meant to be best mates?”

“I don’t want to talk about James.” he said again, a little sadly, putting an end to that conversation.

I was quiet for a moment, searching for some topic of conversation, absentmindedly flipping the pages of the notebook I held in my hand. The howling January wind picked up outside.

“Are you cold?” I asked, it was a frigid night and the building was old and drafty. The exposed brick offered little in the way of insulation. Neither of us had been able to bring our warm cloaks as we had spent the day posing as Muggles out for a walk around town in order to scope out the area. Remus had little in the way of appropriate Muggle cold weather clothing, and all I had were a pair of jeans and a rather thin jacket. I held up a thick plaid blanket I’d brought just in case. 

“No, thanks.” He said, though I saw him shiver.

“Remus, I can hear your teeth chattering from here. Stop being stupid.” I threw the blanket over the both of us and cast a warming charm on it.

He sat very stiffly, not touching the blanket, keeping as much distance between us as the narrow space would allow. 

“Is everything alright?” I asked, confused

“Of course.”

“It’s just, you’ve been acting very strange since the Order meeting. Did something happen?”

“Nope.” his voice took on a higher pitch and I narrowed my eyes. 

“You’re an appalling liar. What’s going on?”

“I’m not lying.”

“Remus.”

“I’m not lying.” he pleaded. 

I raised an eyebrow and gave him a look that said _I’m not buying your bullshit_

He sighed heavily and turned slowly toward me, trying to make out the words in his head as best as he could before he spoke them.

“This is all going to come out wrong, and you’re not going to want to hear any of it.” he started, “I probably should have told you months ago, but I knew how you would react and I couldn’t- your friendship means a lot to me and I don’t want to ruin it.”

I stiffened, “What’s going on, Remus?” I asked trepidatiously.

“You know that I’m a werewolf,” I nodded. I’d known since we were twelve. “What you might not know is that werewolves have...Mates. And I think that you…might be...mine…” He said awkwardly, staring at his hands in his lap.

“I’m your what now?” I laughed

“I know it sounds crazy,”

_You’re not fucking kidding_

“But I’ve read a lot about it and it’s the only thing that makes sense. You’ve been Pack forever, you know that, but for the Wolf it’s more than that with you. He- we would do anything to keep you safe.”

“But you would do that for anyone who’s Pack- “

“It‘s different for you.” he reached forward, held my arms. The mossy green of his eyes meeting the emerald of mine. ”You are all that is important to us and we will do anything, Lily, to keep you safe. It’s not even a conscious decision, it’s instinct.”

“Is this you or the Wolf talking?”

“I don’t know,” he moaned, breaking all contact, “Moony? Me? Both? We’re more the same than we are different these days.”

“This is insane.” 

“I know, but it’s the only thing that explains how I feel.”

“How long have you known about this?”

“I only found out for sure a few months ago.”

I thought back to school. I’d had a lot of friends, but never any that I was as close with as Remus. He was the one person who I knew I could always depend on, and try as I might, I couldn’t think of a time in which he hadn’t been there for me. During summer holidays we wrote to each other, my poor owl making the trip back and forth nearly every day, I complained about my awful sister and he talked me down from more than one planned hexing. When the Slytherins picked on me for being Muggleborn, or for being an overachiever, Remus was the one who comforted me and made me see that they were jealous and insecure. And when Severus and I had finally ended our friendship, James and Sirius may have gone and beaten him up for what he said, but Remus was the one who rushed to my side. Leaving magic behind had been particularly hard and I’d thought of him often. I’d assumed I was just missing my friend, but now I wasn’t so sure. My mind rebelled at the idea, but somewhere deep down, my soul glowed at the thought. 

“Is this why I can’t get you out of my head?”

Remus looked at me sympathetically. He reached up and gently tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. His hands were warm against my cheek. He was just opening his mouth to speak when our charms started going off.

“Who do you see?” I asked as Remus peered over the ledge. I had a notebook in my hand in which to copy down the names of those we could identify and the descriptions of those we could not.

“Rosier, Lucius Malfoy; remember him from Hogwarts? Bellatrix Lestrange, her husband and his brother...There’s one more coming… it’s- Lily, it’s Severus Snape”

The next order meeting was the day after our return from Aberdeen. Along with the names we had supplied, Frank and Alice Longbottom had supplied another ten. 

I was collecting my things after the meeting, chatting with Marlene, when I heard a throat clear from behind me. I spun around and Remus, James and Sirius were standing there. Very hesitant looks on their faces.

“What the bloody hell do you two think you’re doing?” Marlene snapped at James and Sirius.

“Lily, we need to talk to you.” James said to me.

Jesus Christ. I rolled my eyes

“I’m really not interested in anything you have to say, James.” I answered, trying hard to seem unaffected, though I am sure that is not what I achieved. 

“Please, Lily,” Remus cut in, “It’s important.”

“Och, not you too, Remus.” Marlene exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air, exasperated.

“It’s okay, Marlene.” I stopped her, “What’s so important?” I asked Remus

“It’s about,” he shot a glance at Marlene, “the stuff we talked about during the mission.” My stomach dropped. I’d been thinking of little else, and I still wasn’t sure I believed any of it. 

“Let’s go back to the castle.” I said, I gave Marlene a reassuring hug, told her that I’d be okay, and followed The Marauders through the trapdoor.

*

“Is someone going to explain what’s going on?” Lily asked. We’d decided to talk in my sitting room. Sirius, James and I were squeezed into the couch, while Lily sat in the chair opposite. She was fuming. I could see it easily enough, but I could _feel_ it too, coming off of her in waves. 

James cleared his throat, “First of all, I want to apologize for everything that happened. It was inexcusable and I should have come up with a more mature way of-” I elbowed him in the ribs. If he was going to apologize, he could at least be genuine about it.

“Get on with it.” Lily said in that annoyed tone she used when speaking of her sister.

“Right. The reason I broke up with you, the real reason, was because I found out that you’re Moony’s Mate.”

“Excuse me?” she leaned forward a little and cocked her head to the side a bit. 

“Shit, I thought you said she knew?” James shot me a stern look.

“I _do_ know, I’m just not convinced. What I don’t understand is where you come in to this.”

James ran a hand through his hair, a nervous tick that he’d had for as long as I’d known him. “I found out seventh year while researching for a project on werewolves. I realized what you were and what that meant. Lily, I loved you and I really didn’t want to break things off, but I didn’t feel right about standing between you and Remus. Not once I realized how strong that kind of bond is. Life for Remus would have been agony without you. I couldn’t do that to him.” He looked toward me for support but I crossed my arms over my chest and resolutely looked away. The Wolf may have approved, but I did not.

“Let me get this straight,” she was livid, “you read something in a book, made some assumptions, and then decided our futures for us?” James opened his mouth, but she didn’t let him speak, “Don’t you _DARE_ say that you were doing what was best for both of us, James Potter. You _humiliated_ me in front of all of our friends, you accused me of whatever horrendous lies that Ravenclaw bitch was spreading and you broke my heart so thoroughly that I _gave up_ magic for three years. Did you ever stop to think, for even _one_ second, what _my_ opinions on the matter may have been? Or Remus’? I’m glad that you’re loyal to him, truly I am, but it was _NOT_ up to you to decide what I want for myself, any more than it was up to you to decide for him. I loved you, you fucking prick.”

*

I slammed the portrait door behind me and stormed down the corridor to my room. I’d picked up a bottle of whisky in Hogsmeade the week before, the good old-fashioned Muggle stuff and I’d just taken my first shot when there was a knock on my door. I answered, expecting Remus, but to my surprise, it was Sirius instead.

“Can I come in?” He asked. 

“Why the hell not.” I huffed, leaving the door wide for him before returning to the bottle of whisky on the trunk that served as my coffee table and pouring myself another shot. 

“James is an idiot,” Sirius started, “but he did mean well.” He sat, the black leather of his jacket squeaking against the brown leather of the couch. 

“I _really_ don’t want to hear-”

“Please, I need you to listen.” he pointed toward the bottle, “Can I have some of that? I’m gonna have to talk about my family and I’m going to need to be a fair bit less sober to do it.”

I retrieved my brightest pink teacup from the cupboard and filled it. He downed it in one big swig, gritting his teeth at the bite.

“Not the smoothest, this Muggle stuff, is it?” he set his cup on the trunk, “By the time James showed me the book his mind was already made up. I think showing me had been his last desperate attempt to try and prove himself wrong. He hoped I’d be able to come up with some reason why he was way off base and he could just put the whole thing behind him, but what he didn’t know, what he _still_ doesn’t know, is that I had already suspected it for a long time.” he pushed the cup toward me and I filled it a second time. 

“You know my family are a bunch of pureblood freaks, yeah?” I nodded, “well, I had an uncle, terrible violent man he was, died when I was a kid. But he was an absolute crazy fucker who murdered werewolves for sport. He would tell stories all the time about how, after he’d identified one, he’d follow the bloke around, trying to figure out his weaknesses. He loved when he found one who’d been Mated. They were an obsession of his. 

“He used to talk about how he could tell if someone was Mated to a werewolf. Physically, there was no difference. Sometimes you might catch a glimpse of teeth marks on the shoulder, human mind you; not canine, but most Mates knew to keep those hidden when in public. The real way was to watch their behavior especially when with their Wolf. If he found a Mate, he’d kidnap them and use them as bait. If he was feeling particularly up to the challenge, he’d kill the Mate first to make the Werewolf fly into a rage. Even in human form, a Werewolf knows when their Mate is in danger. They have a sixth sense about each other that way.

“I spent seven years watching you and Remus. By the end of our first year, I suspected, but by the end of our second year, I was convinced. Lily, I’ve seen you hex Slytherins for giving him a hard time. You’ve stayed up with him all night because he was afraid, he didn’t understand some Transfiguration concept. You paced the common room like a caged lion _every_ full moon until it was safe to sneak into the hospital wing to check on him.” 

“He was my friend.”

“Marlene was your friend too. You never defended her honor or fretted over _her_ when she’d land herself in hospital.”

“Yes, but Marlene didn’t need me to-”

“Neither did Remus.” 

I opened my mouth to argue, but quickly closed it. He was right. Remus had been teased before and had no trouble letting it roll off of him. He’d gone through many full moons before we met and had been perfectly capable of handling them and though he had been anxious about transfiguration, he was by no means a poor student. My tutoring had only meant he earned an ‘Outstanding’ rather than an ‘Exceeds Expectations’.

“I know this has got to be hard to take in, but James _was_ doing the right thing. He may have gone about it in the worst way imaginable, but ultimately, allowing you and Remus to have a shot, wasn’t deciding your future for you, it was allowing the two of you to fulfill your destinies.

“You don’t have to like it, and you don’t have to forgive him, but I beg you not to take this out on Remus. He didn’t want it to happen like this any more than you do. I’m not saying you have to be with him, I’m not asking you to suddenly accept everything, but think on it. Being Mated is about much more than just having someone else’s back.”

I lay on the couch for hours after Sirius had gone. I’d been determined not to take his advice to heart, but with more than half the whiskey gone, my mind wandered and I was no longer in control of myself. I was angry and confused and more than a little afraid, but there was something else there too. A sad loneliness that was not my own washed over me. I closed my eyes and focused on that alien emotion, pulling me as the moon pulls the tide to Remus. I was feeling Remus. My eyes snapped open

 _Why is he sad_? I thought desperately. I found myself standing outside of his door before I could even comprehend what I was doing. I didn’t even have the opportunity to knock before the door swung open and Remus stood before me with an astonished look that matched my own.

*

“Why can I feel you?” she said as soon as the door opened, her arms crossed at her stomach with furrowed brow and teary eyes. Her fear would have been apparent even if I couldn’t feel it radiating off of her.

“Because, I’m yours.” I answered, a bit sad that her first reaction was one of fear. “Come in.” I held the door wide but she brushed against me as she entered.

She hadn’t taken more than five steps into the room, when she turned to me, “I don’t understand what this means, Remus. How is this even possible?”

“I don’t know.” I shook my head slowly. She was stock-still and visibly shaken. I placed a hand softly at her elbow and guided her to the couch. I sat as well, leaving a safe amount of space between us, though both   
Moony and I longed to be closer. 

She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, “Is it like this for you?”

“Yes.”

“How long?”

“Since we met, though, it’s grown much stronger since coming back to Hogwarts. I’ve noticed it getting stronger as you’ve become more aware.”

She was quiet for a moment but I could feel the question wash over me. _What happens next_?

“That depends on you. I _do_ understand. You feel like James made your decision for you, and in a way he did and even though I _am_ grateful to him, it’s not something that I’ll ever be able to fully forgive him for either, but,” I chose my next words carefully, unwilling to say them though they were the truth, “the next step is yours to take. If you never want to see me again, you don’t have to. I’ll resign tomorrow if that’s what will make you happy,” I could see my deep pang of regret and dread settle in her and I hoped that wouldn’t influence her decision.

“I don’t want that.” She said quietly and I smiled wide, hope swelling in my chest for the first time since the mission in Aberdeen.

“Why don’t we just take it slow? We’ll take our time and figure this out together?”

She nodded. I walked her to the door. “Goodnight, Lily.”

“Goodnight, Remus.” I gave her a brief hug and as I started to pull away, she hesitantly kissed me. She was nervous, I could feel it, but once her lips touched mine, all of that faded away. The moment seemed to go on forever and I was incandescently happy, happier than I had ever been or could ever be and I could feel that she was as well. When she pulled away, I felt like that kiss had been the most _right_ thing that I had ever experienced and I could see that she felt it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much hmn007 for beta-ing!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pomfrey scoffed, “And imagine how angry Miss Evans is going to be when she finally wakes up to find that you’ve killed yourself for her sake."

“Any idea what he wants?” I asked Remus as we rushed up the stairs to Dumbledore’s office. We’d been in my classroom, pouring over lesson plans, chalkboard filled from one end to the other in an attempt to come up with a final exam when the note had come in through the open window on the light April breeze. An unadorned scrap of parchment, in the shape of a paper airplane, charmed to find us. 

_Please come to my office immediately_

It said in Dumbledore's writing. We looked at each other for a moment. This could only be about one thing and it had to be Order business. We arrived, panting, in Dumbledore’s office barely five minutes later. He was sipping tea in a deep blue upholstered chair near his fireplace when we entered. We sat across from him and he poured each of us a cup. 

“Thank you for coming so quickly.” he said, shutting the door with a flick of his wand. “I’ve received some news and I am afraid we need to act fast.” he began. “As you know, Voldemort has been recruiting heavily among the werewolves for months. He’s already brought Fenrir Greyback to his side,” Remus shuddered, this was the werewolf who had bit him as a child, “and with him comes his entire network. It is imperative that we stop Voldemort from gaining any more werewolves, and that, I am afraid, is where the two of you come in.

“There is a large pack near the Welsh coast with whom I have been working, but they are understandably quite leery. At the moment they have mostly kept away from Voldemort’s notice, hiding out in the forests and abandoned mines in the area. They’ve communicated that they are willing to speak with a representative, but only on two conditions. First, the representative must be one of them so they can be certain that we are genuine. And second, that representative must bring something of great value as collateral so they can be sure that we are not trying to trick them.”

“I’m confused,” Remus said, “I assume you would like me to be the representative, and I’m happy to do it, but how does this involve Lily?” Remus asked, but a moment later revulsion rolled off of him as he understood what Dumbledore was asking. I was meant to be the collateral.

“Absolutely not.” He said resolutely

“Remus, I do not believe that any harm will come to Lily. They just want to talk.” 

“You can’t promise that, Albus. There is no guarantee that she will be okay, I will not put her in that kind of danger and frankly, I’m shocked that you would even suggest it.”

“I do not suggest it lightly,” he said gravely. “but I do not see any other way. They will know you are mated as soon as you turn up and no other collateral will do at that point.”

“I won’t risk her.” Remus said.

Dumbledore was unconcerned, “The danger is minimal, Remus. It won’t be another full moon for weeks and they will not hurt her, I’m sure of it. The pack will consider her off limits.” 

I placed a hand on his arm, “Remus, if it’ll help the Order, we have to risk it.”

“I can't,” he said desperately.

“You have to. We both knew when we signed up that there would be risk involved. This is important.” 

Remus put his head in his hands. I knew this was hard for him. Even if I wasn’t his mate, he wouldn’t have wanted to put me in danger. The fact that I was, only made it harder. HeI looked at me then, his eyes searching for any indication that I was unsure about this decision. When he could find no proof, he turned to Dumbledore and, defeated, nodded in agreement.

*

Lily and I were instructed to meet the pack leader in a windswept place near the coast. We apparated in, landing in an open field with an echoing crack, and walked, arm in arm, to a bench overlooking the ocean. The man we were meant to meet was already there when we arrived. I knew from first sight that he was another werewolf. He was thin, in that half-starved way many of us were. His clothes were shabby. Trousers torn at the knee, shirt ragged and stained, hair wild and unkempt. I’d always tried to keep up some semblance of civility, but this man, he lived wild.

“Are you ready?” I asked her

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” She replied. I kissed her temple and held her a little tighter.

“Are you Rhys?” I called to him.

“I am.” he replied, “This is your mate?” he posed it as a question though it clearly wasn’t.

“She is, and do I have your word that no harm will come to her?” 

“We won’t touch her, but she’ll have to stay here. Fiona will look after her.” he gestured to a woman with wild brown hair who was coming up the road behind us. I met Lily’s eyes, silently asking if she was okay. 

She nodded in agreement.

I left her at the bench with a small snarl at Fiona and followed Rhys as he wound his way down to the beach on a narrow, hard to see trail through the grass. The cliffs towered above us as we made our way down, and when we turned a corner around a large boulder, there was a group of a dozen or so waiting for us.

“This is Remus,” Rhys said, “he’s here to tell us what Dumbledore wants.” He gestured for me to speak. 

I’d been coached by Dumbledore ahead of time. He badly wanted the werewolves support, but he knew he could never call on them unless the need was dire. He hoped that by extending an olive branch, they would remember he was friendly to them if the time ever came when he would need to call in some favors.

“It’s quite simple. Voldemort is going to try to recruit you, he’s already got a number of packs on his side. All we ask is that, if approached, you contact us. We will keep you safe, all of you.” My skin itched and I was desperate to get back to Lily. Something felt wrong, there was a heaviness in the air that I didn’t like. 

The echoing sound of apparation reverberated around us. I counted seven loud cracks before I was flooded with Lily’s fear. Something was very, very wrong. I took off up the trail, Rhys and his people close behind me. As we crested the hill, the sounds of a fight reached me and I found Lily and Fiona, standing back to back, firing curses at five Death Eaters. The unmoving bodies of two others lay on the ground. I pulled out my wand and ran toward her, curses fired all around us, Moony was livid and for once I was glad to have him there. 

Lily had three engaged in a duel and as I watched, one of them collapsed, I ran to her side, taking over the fight with one. On our left side, Rhys had joined Fiona. A few wandless members of the pack snuck around the Death Eaters, attempting to attack from behind with nothing but their bare hands. 

“Avada Kedavra!” A Death Eater yelled and I glanced over just in time to see Fiona crumple. Rhys flew at them, cutting down the Death Eater with a violent swipe of his wand, before turning to the other.   
In my distraction, the Death Eater I was fighting, a lean man with dark hair, swiped his wand at me, “PROTEGO!” Lily cried, casting the shield that I would have been too slow to cast myself, the curse bounced off, but ricocheted in her direction. It hit her across the chest and she went down with a scream, blood soaked her shirt and flowed freely to the ground. The Wolf was free then. I don’t remember making the decision to release him, but before I could register what was happening, we stood before her, stopping the advancing wizard. We shot spell and hex and curse, faster than anything I had ever been capable of before, slashing right and left, advancing on the Death Eater in our fury until he had no choice but to retreat backwards. He stumbled over a rock and fell to the ground, his silver mask slipping from his face with the impact. 

It was Severus Snape.

I was surprised, though I don’t know why. We’d known what he was, but somehow, the knowledge that this man who had been Lily’s friend, was the reason she was on the ground, bleeding freely, just enraged me even more. The Wolf took full charge then but it was too late. Severus had scrambled to his feet and apparated. I ran back to Lily who was still bleeding, and crouched over her. The pack took down the remaining Death Eaters, Severus was the only one who had got away. The others lay strewn about haphazardly, dead or stunned, I wasn’t sure which. 

“Lily?” I fell to my knees in the blood-soaked ground. I placed the tip of my wand at her heart and laid my free hand over the wound and began to chant the most powerful healing incantation I could remember, praying that it would be enough at least to stabilize her for transport back to Hogwarts. 

The others stood in a semi-circle behind me, Rhys placed a hand on my shoulder, lending me what strength he could. I wasn’t a member of his pack so the effect was minimal, but I appreciated the gesture all the same. In a quiet murmur, the pack began to chant as well.

Slowly, the bleeding stopped and the wound knitted back together. She regained a little of the color in her face and didn’t seem quite as cold. She was weak though, dangerously close to the edge. I sent a Patronus to Dumbledore, picked up Lily and turned to the pack.

“Thank you,” I wanted to say more but couldn’t. They understood.

“Best get your Mate to hospital,” Rhys replied. “Please let us know how she is.” He looked at her, limp in my arms. “She’s very brave.”

I nodded and then turned quickly, apparating back to the Hogwarts courtyard that Dumbledore left un-warded for us.

We arrived with an explosive bang. No sooner had we appeared, Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore were rushing forward, a stretcher was conjured, and Lily was being placed on it. I explained everything as best I could on our way to the hospital wing. I wasn’t sure what curse was used, though, considering it was Snape, it was bound to be a nasty one of his own invention. After many hours spent pacing the floor outside the partition around Lily’s bed, she was at least stable, though she showed no sign of waking up. 

“She’s lost a lot of blood,” Madam Pomfrey said to me, as she came out from behind the partitions, wiping her hands on her bloody apron. “It’s a curse wound to be sure, it’ll be a long road to recovery and she will have a nasty scar. I’ve given her as much blood replenishing potion as is safe to give for the time being. We can do another round in eight hours. I’m afraid all we can do in the meantime is wait. It’s not likely she’ll wake up today. Tomorrow perhaps.” I made to go in to see her but Pomfrey stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. “She needs quiet and rest, Remus, it’s best you leave her be for now.”

“I can’t just leave. I need-”

“I’m afraid I really must insist-”

“She is his Mate, Poppy.” Dumbledore interrupted our bickering. “It may be beneficial for him to stay with her.”

“Oh.” She said in surprise, shock written on her face. “Well, that changes things.” She stepped aside and I entered. 

Lily lay entirely motionless on the bed, her breath coming in short gasps. A thick white bandage was wrapped several times around her chest, but a thin line of blood still seeped through. I looked over my shoulder at Madam Pomfrey and she guessed my question before I could even voice it.

“The wound began to open back up, I’m afraid. It’s a curse wound and it must heal on its own.”

I nodded, “Thank you, for everything you’ve done.” 

I sat at her bedside for two days, taking short naps in the bed next to hers. Dumbledore and Pomfrey came and went often, always shooting me a look of sympathy.

On the third morning, Dumbledore came in with an unusual look of purpose, “Remus, can I speak to you for a moment?” I nodded and began to get up and stumbled a little. He steadied me and led me to Madam Pomfrey’s office, where she sat at her desk. The cabinet behind her stood open and the shelves were stacked three deep with a rainbow of assorted vials and bottles. 

“How long have you been feeling ill, Mr. Lupin?” She asked as soon as I walked in.

“I’m not ill, just tired. I haven’t been getting much sleep.”

She shot me a sardonic look, “Werewolves may not be, in general, well understood, Mr. Lupin, but the medical community has long known that members of a Pack can give each other strength in times of crisis, and we also know that when a mated individual is grievously sick or injured, close proximity with their partner will ensure the success of healing. But it comes at the cost of the other. The point here being, we know what you’re trying to do, and it will kill you if you continue.”

Dumbledore cut in, “You must step away, for your own health, Remus.”

“I’m not going to do that. If I have to die for her to live, then so be it. I’ll do it gladly.” Moony agreed completely.

Pomfrey scoffed, “And imagine how angry Miss Evans is going to be when she finally wakes up to find that you’ve killed yourself for her sake. She will heal, she is already healing. You’ve seen the wound every time I change the bandages; you’ve seen the improvement. The danger has passed, she is not going to die.”

“I can’t leave her.”

“Remus,” Dumbledore said, “we insist. You can come back for a few hours a day, but no more.”

“What happens if she gets worse?”

“She won’t get worse.” Pomfrey said.

“But what if she does?”

“Then we won’t say a word about you slowly killing yourself. Is that what you want to hear?” She said with a frown. I didn’t answer.

“At least one good thing came from all of this.” Dumbledore mused, “The pack is on our side.”

Thankfully, Lily did not get worse. One week after the fight in Wales, Lily finally woke. I was teaching class when it happened, but I could feel her. Awake, confused, afraid and in pain. I barely made it through the rest of the period and let the students out early, leaving a sign on the door that classes were cancelled for the rest of the day.

*

I awoke with a start. Expecting to find myself in Wales, surrounded by Death Eaters, I was surprised to find myself in the Hogwarts hospital wing. The sun streaming through the windows was blinding. I brought my hand up to shield my eyes and found my movement restricted. A tight bandage wound around my torso and when I moved, there was a sharp pain in my chest. I gasped aloud, and looked down. I was a bit disconcerted to find a fair amount of blood seeping through the white cloth. A moment later the familiar sharp tapping of Madam Pomfrey’s shoes on the stone floor grew louder as she approached my bed.

“You’re awake, excellent, Mr. Lupin will be very happy to hear that.”

“He already knows.” I croaked, “How long have I been out?”

“Nearly a week dear. Your injuries were extensive.” She poured me a glass of water from the pitcher by the bed and helped me sit up enough to drink it.

“That’s better. What happened in Wales?”

“I will let the Headmaster cover all of that, it’s all a bit over my head. I was just about to change your bandages; can you hold yourself up for a moment?”

I nodded and she pulled out a pair of bandage scissors, quickly cutting the soiled dressings and replacing them with new. I got a good look at the wound while she did it. Deep and ragged as it was, I knew it was going to be a very large and ugly scar. 

“Don’t worry dear, Remus isn’t going to care.”

“No, that would be rather hypocritical of him wouldn’t it?” I laughed. A moment later, the big doors to the hospital wing swung open and Remus walked in.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” she said when he appeared at the opening of my partitioned bedside. “You are not to get her worked up in any way, she needs rest.” she pointed the scissors at him for emphasis. “I’ll come by in a bit with some food.” she added, a little kinder this time.

“How do you feel?” he asked as soon as Pomfrey was gone.

“Like the whomping willow has just had a go at me, but I’ll be okay. Madam Pomfrey doesn’t seem to expect any permanent damage. Just a nasty scar.” He sat down at the edge of the bed with a relieved smile. 

“Remus, we should talk about Wales. I had an interesting conversation with Fiona while you were down at the beach.”

“Oh?”

“Did you know she used to have a mate? She died a couple of years ago.”

“I didn’t know. I can’t imagine how painful that must have been for her.”

“They were together for close to ten years. I’ve been a bit unsure about this whole situation, and even after she explained everything, I couldn’t fully comprehend what she meant, at least not until the Death Eaters came. You being there, fighting next to me, it made me stronger somehow. I’ve never been that powerful, or dueled that well. Fiona said we draw strength from each other, but she didn’t really have a chance to elaborate.”

“I don’t know all of the specifics and I don’t at all understand how it works, but mates’ sort of amplify each other. When you were unconscious, I was able to help you heal in a similar way. I gave you my strength or health or whatever you want to call it, so you could get better.”

“What does that mean? You gave me your strength? Is it possible to do that without it negatively affecting you?”

I could feel his hesitation. “It did affect me negatively. I sat at your bedside for three days before Dumbledore and Pomfrey kicked me out.” 

I knew in my heart what the consequence would have been had he been allowed to stay. “Why would you do that to yourself? It may have taken longer but I would have healed!”

“Yes, but you had lost so much blood and at first they thought it was a good idea, until I started to get weak-”

“You can never do that again, Remus.” I said sincerely. “I won’t go through what Fiona went through.”

“You’re one to talk,” he answered a little hotly, “throwing shields around me even though you had to have known it would ricochet. Do you think I want to go through that?”

“What was I supposed to do? I knew that Death Eater was Severus the moment he appeared and I’ve seen him perform that curse before, I was there when he invented it! He was proud of what it could do.”

“What made him come up with something so destructive?”

“James. I’d complained a few times that James wouldn’t leave me alone, so Severus invented a curse to make him. I knew what he was going to do the moment he aimed his wand at you and I couldn’t have stopped myself if I tried.”

“Do you think it was any different for me?”

I saw his point, though I still didn’t like it one bit.

“When I collapsed, I was conscious long enough to see the way you reacted. Moony was in control, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah,” he seemed ashamed. “You were hurt, Moony and I were both enraged, and next thing I knew, he was in charge. But I would have done the same if he hadn’t been there.”

“I think I finally understand what it must have been like for you, all of these years. Having to keep away.”

“I was never very good at keeping my distance.” he flashed a shy smile.

“I’m glad Moony was there.” 

“I’m not going to get in the habit of letting him out, but I want you to know, neither of us would ever do anything to hurt you.”

“He wouldn’t bite me?”

“No, it goes against our nature.” Remus said dismissively, “At least where you’re concerned.”

“Well, if you want to refrain from biting during the full moon that’s fine, but any other time, I’m not necessarily opposed.” 

Remus’ eyes flashed gold for a moment; a sure sign that Moony was close to the surface. I smiled wickedly, took hold of the tie he always wore when teaching, and pulled him toward me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My wolf.”

“And why should we trust anything he says?” An indignant James stood, yelling louder than everyone else in the scandalized crowd, “Are you forgetting that he tried to kill Lily only a couple of months ago?”  
Remus pulled me closer to him. “Are you alright?” he murmured in my ear.

“You know I’m not.” I whispered back, leaning into his side.

Severus Snape had not been an easy person to see again, nor was it easy to hear James defending me, loudly, when I was still quite determined to hate him.

To Snapes credit, he stood silent, impassive, just behind Dumbledore. There was no emotion in his cold, black eyes, or rather, he was masking it. But I knew him well enough to know how he hid his fear. To me, it was palpable.

“Mr. Potter, I assure you I have not forgotten.” Dumbledore answered, quietly though his voice had weight. “Severus came to me several weeks ago to offer himself up as a spy at great personal danger to himself, I might add.” 

“Why would he ever do a thing like that?” Marlene shouted angrily beating Sirius, who had also stood, to the punch.

“His reasons are his own and I will not divulge them. But I assure you, his intentions hold no ulterior motives. In short, I trust him.” Dumbledore said with finality, letting the subject rest heavily. He motioned Snape to a bench near the front. Marlene huffed on my other side.

The rest of the meeting went by in a blur. I found it hard to focus, hard to contrast the happy times Severus and I had shared as children, with the solemn, dark man who had nearly killed me. Would have killed me, had it not been for Remus. He squeezed my hand reassuringly, bringing me back to the present.

After the meeting; while Remus and I hung back to avoid crossing paths with Snape, Sirius and James came up. James, nervously and Sirius with purpose. He gave me a small hug.

“Glad you’re okay, Lily.” he said, “It’s good to see you up and about again.”

“Thank you.” I replied, not unkindly.

“Lily I-” James started. I hadn’t seen him since that last meeting. When he’d informed me that he’d broken up with me for Remus’ sake. “I just- I wanted to say that I’m sorry. Again. You don’t have to forgive me, but I do hope that someday we can be friends?” 

“It’s alright, James.” I said, realizing that I wasn’t mad anymore. I couldn’t be. Not exactly. My brush with death had taught me that this thing, between Remus and I, was real and tangible and scary and wonderful. “You were right.” I said simply. Letting the knowledge that things would always be different hang between us. I leaned in to Remus, tilting my head up to look at him. “Let’s go home.”

*

“Why do you think Severus is spying for us?” Lily asked, back in the rooms that we now shared. She lay on the couch, her head in my lap, reading one of the romance novels she clung to when things got hard and she needed to forget for a while. I played with her hair, absentmindedly winding it around my fingers.

“I think it was almost killing you.” I said, remembering the way he had looked when the mask had fallen from his face. Fear and self-disgust and regret all at once. “I’m sure he thought you would die. He looked...almost hopeful, when he came in tonight.”

She sat up and turned toward me, “He did, didn’t he.” she said simply. Sadly. Pitying him for the choices he had made that had led him to where he was today.

“It’s a brave thing he’s doing.”

“Yes.” She paused for a moment, nuzzling closer, “But it doesn’t make up for the things he’s done.”

“No, I don’t suppose it does.” I could feel her hurt at the memories of the way things had turned out between them and kissed the top of her head to pull her out of them. She smiled up at me. I leaned down again, kissing her softly on the lips but she pulled me closer, deepening it, needing the contact if only to prove to herself that there was still something solid and steady in her life.  
She straddled me then and I pulled her closer, my hands snaking their way under her jumper, resting on her hips, holding her in place. She buried her fingers into my curls and lightly dragged her nails across my scalp in that way she knew drove me crazy. I let out a low, pleasurable growl, letting her go momentarily, unable to concentrate. She pulled her shirt over her head in one smooth, practiced motion, her breasts bouncing, she was wearing no bra. I buried my face in them, nipping lightly before taking a nipple in my mouth, swirling my tongue around the hardened nub. She gasped and I pulled her closer, grabbing her and pushing her up into a kneeling position, I slouched down in my seat and she rested her elbows on the back of the sofa while I threw her skirt over my head and pulled down her knickers; my favorite pair, red with black trim.

The scent of her arousal was intoxicating. I ran the tip of my tongue teasingly over her clit and she trembled. I would never tire of the way she tasted. 

“Remus,” she moaned, pulling away, fumbling for my belt.

“Bed.” I said desperately. Standing as she wrapped her legs around me.

We made it less than halfway before my trousers were around my ankles and I couldn’t walk without tripping. She slid down, landing softly on her feet, shedding her skirt and knickers with impressive speed. Before kneeling in front of me, pushing me against a bookshelf and taking my cock in her mouth, plunging as deeply as she could. I let out a shuddering gasp at the sudden warmth and she smiled as she continued to pump and suck and run her tongue over all of the most sensitive places. 

“Lily,” I pleaded, “I need…”

She stood then and I spun her around, lifting her till she sat on the low shelf. She smiled wickedly. I leaned down, trailing nips and kisses down her neck, until I reached her collarbone. She moaned loudly in my ear when my teeth ghosted over the skin. I hadn’t marked her yet. We’d agreed to take it slow, but it had been harder and harder to keep the wolf at bay.

“I want you to do it.” she whispered in my ear before she nipped the lobe. I looked up sharply and she nodded quickly. I let Moony take control then. He nipped along her collarbone, harder than I would have, playing with her clit each time, confusing the pain with exquisite pleasure. She moaned loudly when he rested our teeth against her right shoulder, positioning in just the right way. We sank into her then and she groaned at the intrusion. Moony still rubbed her teasingly as he pumped, bringing her to the edge and just as she tipped over he sank his teeth into her shoulder. 

After, as we lay on the floor, her head resting on my shoulder; utterly spent in every meaning of the word, she murmured softly.

“My wolf.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to get this final chapter out. I lost steam when I caught covid and then ended up on nights at work for most of the rest of the year.


End file.
